are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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