grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize