No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
