Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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