I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
