Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
