Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
