New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
