apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
