on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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