we have pet lesbian snakes
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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