I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize