its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
