i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
