They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
