This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
