You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is Oprah even human
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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