Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
