one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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