Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
God, I missed his penis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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