I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
