Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Let's paint friendship bongs
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i think i just lost a toe
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
