Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
