dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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