I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
