If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I will die if light touches me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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