at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
