1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
