I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize