Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
