I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
