Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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