He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
