She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize