Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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