moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
