sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
