Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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