The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
