It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would ride that face into the sunset
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
