his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize