I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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