i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
