He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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