my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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