I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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