Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
