I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
