I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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