I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
