i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
