Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
