I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
