cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
