My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
