she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
