If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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