Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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