btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
