my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
