Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
