Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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