I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just google imaged poop.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
