Soap is not a condiment
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
