he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
