ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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