sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
