she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
