dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Someone signed my nipple.
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