I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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