omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A bitchslap is in order.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
