Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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