the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
