were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I supernannyed him into submission
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
