My hand turned me down
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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