South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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