There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
