I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
