that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
