can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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