Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
