Got a toothbrush?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
