Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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