Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
