I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
