you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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