I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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