i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
