Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
