i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
