I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
