she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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