8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
