Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
