She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
