I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
