Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
