So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
