is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
