YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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