I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize