Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
