What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is Oprah even human
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
