his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
