and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
