I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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