i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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