Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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